Trauma Responses and Leadership
How Your Trauma Responses Show Up at Work (And What We Can Do About It)
Let’s be honest: work can be stressful. Whether it’s dealing with a tough client, navigating office politics, or deciding on a big opportunity, we all react to pressure differently. These reactions often aren’t random—they’re deeply tied to how we’ve learned to handle stress, sometimes stemming from past experiences or trauma. And of course, ouside of work, life is stressful. We have relationship issues, loss, finances and health matters that activate our adrenal response and ability to function optimally.
Ever heard of the four trauma responses? They’re fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and they influence how we act under stress. What’s fascinating is how these tendencies can show up differently based on gender—shaped by societal norms and expectations. Let’s dig into this and see how it impacts us in our careers.
The 4 Trauma Responses at Work
Fight
This is your “head-on” response: standing your ground, being assertive, or even confrontational.
Men and Fight: Men often lean into this response because society encourages them to be decisive and dominant. In the workplace, this can look like taking charge in meetings or challenging ideas.
Women and Fight: Women who fight might be just as assertive, but they can face pushback. Ever heard a woman called “too bossy” or “difficult” for behavior that might be praised in a man? Yeah, that.
Flight
When things get stressful, some people want to escape—either physically or emotionally.
Men and Flight: Men who lean toward flight might step back from conflict or avoid decisions they feel ill-prepared for. While this is less stereotypically “masculine,” it happens—especially if they feel overwhelmed.
Women and Flight: Women, often socialized to avoid conflict, might default to flight more frequently. In business, this could look like deferring to others or staying quiet in tense situations.
Freeze
This response is all about being stuck. You might overthink, procrastinate, or feel paralyzed by decisions.
Men and Freeze: Men who freeze may hesitate to act, especially if they feel they’ll be judged for the “wrong” choice. Unfortunately, this can clash with the expectation that men should always “take charge.”
Women and Freeze: For women, freezing can stem from fear of being judged or making waves. It can lead to staying in the background or delaying action until it feels “safe.”
Fawn
Fawning is all about keeping the peace—placating others, over-apologizing, or putting everyone else’s needs first.
Men and Fawn: Men might fawn less often because they’re not typically raised to prioritize harmony, but it can happen, especially in hierarchical situations.
Women and Fawn: Women are often socialized to “keep everyone happy,” so fawning can be common. They might take on too much emotional labor or say “yes” to avoid conflict, even when it’s at their own expense.
How This Shapes Careers
Now, here’s where it gets interesting: these patterns don’t just affect how we act—they affect how we’re perceived.
For Men:
Fight: Often rewarded in the workplace because it aligns with traditional ideas of leadership—assertive, bold, and decisive.
Freeze: Can be seen as weakness or indecision, which doesn’t fit the “strong leader” narrative.
For Women:
Fawn or Flight: These responses can reinforce stereotypes of women being “too soft” or “not leadership material.”
Fight: Ironically, when women fight, they’re often criticized for being “too aggressive” or “bossy.”
Basically, women can feel stuck in a double bind, while men face pressure to always project confidence—even when they’re struggling.
Why Does This Happen?
Trauma responses are shaped by both biology and social conditioning. Hormones like testosterone or oxytocin can play a role, but so can cultural messages about what’s “acceptable” behavior.
For example:
Men are often taught to be strong, assertive, and in control. Fight fits that narrative, while freeze or fawn might feel “unmanly.”
Women, on the other hand, are encouraged to be nurturing, agreeable, and relationship-focused. Flight and fawn align with those expectations, while fight is often penalized.
What Can We Do About It?
The good news? We’re not stuck in these patterns. By understanding how trauma responses show up in ourselves and others, we can make conscious changes—for healthier workplaces and leadership styles.
For Organizations:
Rethink Leadership Norms: Value empathy and collaboration just as much as assertiveness and risk-taking.
Challenge Bias: Call out the double standards that penalize women for being assertive or men for showing vulnerability.
Provide Support: Offer resources like trauma-informed leadership training and emotional intelligence workshops.
For Individuals:
Get Curious About Your Patterns: Ask yourself: Do I tend to fight, flight, freeze, or fawn under pressure? How does that show up at work?
Balance Your Skills:
If you fight: Practice collaboration and listening.
If you flight: Lean into conflict resolution and speaking up.
If you freeze: Work on decision-making tools and self-confidence.
If you fawn: Set boundaries and practice saying “no.”
Focus on Healing: Trauma responses are just that—responses to unprocessed stress. Healing through therapy, coaching, or mindfulness can help you move beyond reactivity into intentional, balanced leadership.
The Big Picture
Imagine a workplace where people lead from a place of balance and health—not from reactivity. Where men can collaborate without fear of being seen as weak, and women can be assertive without judgment. Big strides are being made in this area, but our always on culture can push us to our edge even if companies shift their policies. Trauma is a complex topic that cannot be oversimplified, but its one that should be looked at and considered so we value holistic balanced leadership and view trauma responses as just that.
Trauma isn’t something we’re doomed to carry forever. When we work toward healing, we open the door to healthier, more inclusive leadership models—ones that value both strength and empathy, action and reflection.
When we lead from a place of balance, we inspire others to do the same. And that’s the kind of ripple effect that can transform workplaces—and beyond.
